Saying good-bye
by Rennie75
Summary: This the OLICITY aftermath of the final scene in S2 Episode 13 Heir to the Demon. Chapters are (mostly) divided by POVs and include Sara, Oliver, Felicity and Diggle. FINAL 3 CHAPTERS ARE NOW UP! This angsty little piece is now complete with just as "happy" of an ending as I could find guys!
1. Chapter 1

**AN** – I know a lot of Olicity shippers were less than thrilled with S2 Episode 13 Heir to the Demon and I feel your pain! This is my cathartic rant to work through it myself! Be warned though there is no happy ending here! Also be warned that I didn't want to force my beta (Mic Riddy) to suffer through this with me so all mistakes are on me and I am sorry for that!

**DISCLAIMER** – Not even sure I want to claim anything (have I mentioned I'm less than happy right now)! :)

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><p>Sara moved away from Oliver, both still sweaty and breathing hard. This hadn't been a sweet reunion of past love nor even a desperate hope for a better future – this was about saying good-bye. Both were angry, hurt, and aching with unrequited love. Sara was devastated by her sister's rejection and Oliver was crushed by his mother's deceit. Their pain was again intertwined and both hurt for the other as well. When they had been on that Island together, both had clung to their families, to love to get through it. When they returned safely both thought they were too damaged, too unworthy of that family and love. Both felt the weighty burden of their own darkness, their guilt and their shame from the Island and they sought to protect their loved ones from that darkness.<p>

Now in a single night both had their dreams shattered and their hearts broken as they saw the darkness within their own loved ones. They saw them not as they once did, good and whole on pedestal built on the misery of the Island, but instead as they actually were – flawed, dark and dangerous.

Sara and Oliver came together to say good-bye, not to one another but to their shared past, shared love and shared family. Their joining was more about mourning than celebrating, more about loss than love.

Sara smiled slightly at Oliver and received his nod of understanding as both saw this one time union for what it was. Both were silent as they started to get dressed again as they needed no words to discuss this. She knew she was home here with him but home was no longer where her heart was. Nyssa may have freed her from her obligations to the League but she couldn't free herself from that love. She still loved and ached with the loss of it even though she made the choice. As she told Ollie, she gave up love in order to keep what was left of her soul and that was the choice she must live with now.

As Sara was lost in her own thoughts she hadn't even heard the lair door open but she did hear Felicity speak to Oliver and she stepped forward to speak to Oliver's friend.

"I bought mint chocolate chip ice cream as I thought it might help you process…or least help give you fuel for another workout…" Felicity stopped as she made eye contact with Sara. As Sara watched, the woman's eyes flitted between the two of them and for a moment Sara saw the pain of loss flicker across her face before she put the ice cream down and continued to speak. "Oh, I see you found a way to process, ok, um, I'm just gonna, yeah, gonna leave and let you get back to…um, your processing now." Felicity gestured vaguely before turning away from them.

Sara watched as Felicity flew back up the stairs and was surprised to again feel the sting of tears in her eyes. Felicity had been one of the few untarnished souls Sara knew and yet the other woman had never made her feel like what she was until that moment. Guilt and shame made it hard for Sara to breathe and she again reached out to Oliver. As her eyes found his face she saw the same pain of loss flicker across his face as it had Felicity's just moments ago. Oliver continued to look at the door that had just closed behind Felicity and Sara took a moment to read his face. She saw her own shame and guilt reflected there but she also saw love.

In that moment Sara realized just how much Felicity meant to Oliver and knew that she wasn't just a friend or partner for the Arrow. Oliver had found a true source of light and love for his world and Sara couldn't stop the sharp pang of jealousy. She wasn't jealous of Oliver loving another as she knew they had no future but she was jealous that he had found such a source of goodness and light to chase away the shadows.

"You should go after her…go and explain Oliver."

Sara was surprised to see his shoulders slump as he shook his head in denial before he turned away. The Oliver who survived the Island with her was a fighter but this man had given up. The Island hadn't broken him but Felicity walking away just might.

"Oliver, you need to fight for her."

"No Sara, I don't deserve her."

"So you are willing to just say good-bye to her?" Sara flinched at her own words as she remembered Nyssa's accusations about her leaving.

"No, I won't say good-bye. Felicity will always have me – I've made that promise to her."

"But will you always have her or will she be the one to say good-bye?"

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><p><strong>AN2<strong> – Next chapter will be Oliver's POV and continue in the aftermath.


	2. Chapter 2 - Oliver

**AN** – In case you missed it, there's still no happy ending here. I am hoping the show corrects that when it returns but for now the suffering continues. This is Oliver's POV now. Oh and still no beta as I needed to push this out and yet couldn't force Mic to suffer with me – I do apologize for any mistakes!

**DISCLAIMER** – Not mine or this wouldn't have happened so blame the CW for this mess!

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><p>Sara's words were prophetic as Felicity did say good-bye the next day. She wasn't leaving for good but she was leaving him and going to spend time with Barry in the hospital. Oliver threw himself into his work to avoid the pain of his mother's deceit, the shame of using Sara and the loss of Felicity. Days passed where he spent his mornings training with Diggle, his daylight hours at QC, his evenings training and patrolling with Sara before he trained Roy well into the night. It was a punishing routine but exhaustion was the only chance he had to find even a couple of hours of sleep. Whatever cathartic release he had found with Sara was gone – his thoughts were in turmoil and his emotions raged.<p>

Oliver's first thought upon seeing Felicity enter the lair on that fifth day was that she was a hallucination brought on by exhaustion, insanity or desire. He simply stared at her as she nodded a greeting to him and Sara before going to Diggle for a tight hug. He tensed at the obvious sign of their continued affection but his jealousy was overwhelmed by the sheer gratitude he felt at her return. He knew it was ironic that it was Felicity who had saved him when his mom shot him and it was Felicity that he was again hoping would save him this time as well. He needed Felicity to chase away the shadows and soothe whatever was left of his battered soul.

At first, Oliver simply basked in Felicity's presence and his contentment at her return was so complete that it took a couple of days for him to realize the differences. It was always quiet whenever Felicity wasn't around but now that she had returned the silence was deafening. Oliver finally realized that yet again a choice he hadn't intended to make would have repercussions that he wasn't sure he could live through.

Somehow Felicity had managed to complete her work at QC without spending any time with him. Whereas before she would lounge in his office to prepare files and push paperwork at him, now complete file and organized stacks of paperwork simply appeared as if by magic on his desk. Computer glitches were always resolved overnight and no longer meant she would steal his chair while he leaned over her to watch her efforts. Meetings were suddenly always scheduled at lunch so there were no more shared meals in his office. Work continued without interruption at QC but without Felicity it just felt like a job now.

She also managed to avoid him at the lair although evidence of her efforts was obvious. Reliable intel was always available but usually sent via text or delivered by Diggle. Dinner was once a group affair but now it was just him and Sara. Oliver suspected Diggle and Felicity went out together but he didn't ask and they didn't say. His workouts were no longer accompanied by the sound of her fingers flying along her keyboard or her inappropriate rambling as she snuck glances at him. Perhaps the most painful difference was the fact that Felicity no longer wanted to help heal him physically either. When he returned to the lair slightly injured one night, he found she had laid out all the necessary medical supplies but she left it up to Sara to bandage the wounds. Just as with QC, their Arrow work continued without interruption but without Felicity it just felt like a duty now.

Oliver found Felicity had become another ghost haunting his every hour. Always around but just out of reach, he couldn't touch her or get through to her at all. He knew he had failed her, he knew he had hurt her but what he didn't know was how to fix it. She was always the one who picked up the pieces and put him and them back together. Oliver just didn't know how to do any of this without her.

Sara had said she had given up love to keep what was left of her soul but Oliver found he was more than willing to give up his soul to bring Felicity back to him.

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><p><strong>AN2<strong> –Now that I've ranted I'm going to return to my imaginary world of Olicity fluff (Lessons Learned) and maybe even some smut (Primal). I do hope to update both soon so feel free to join me in ignoring last night's episode until we have to deal with it later this month!


	3. Chapter 3 - Felicity

**AN** – I truly hadn't intended to continue this but I'm still feeling angsty about the episode and now Felicity seems to want to speak! BTW, I was so surprised by the reviews on this one as well as on the Lessons Learned List – you guys are just amazing and so supportive! I always try to respond personally to reviews but yesterday was crazy so pls don't be offended if I'm slow or I miss this one! I truly appreciate all who read, review, fave and/ or follow so never doubt that!

**AN2** – This whole story came after a chat with LightningPrincessR so I have to give her credit for inspiring me to rant out my frustration in this way!

**AN3** – As always, thank you to my beta Mic Riddy for suffering through this emotional purge with me!

*******FINAL WARNING: Still no happy ending so proceed with caution!*******

**DISCLAIMER** – Still not mine and I still blame the CW for this story!

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><p>Felicity tried to rally her sluggish fingers and corral her wayward thoughts so she could finish this project before Oliver and Diggle got here for their morning training. Felicity now knew everyone's schedule and squeezed herself in whenever she could – she preferred to be here with Diggle or even Roy but sometimes it was impossible to avoid Oliver and Sara. She knew Oliver had figured out what she was doing but he hadn't commented, hadn't commented on anything really, and Felicity was grateful for his lack of communication skills for once. She was barely clinging to her sanity as it was and it took all she had to simply survive and function right now. She knew both QC and the Arrow were bigger than her though so she knew she had to push her personal heartache aside to do her part. She did still believe in Oliver and his quest for justice in the city.<p>

Struggling to focus as her thoughts continued to wander further and further afield, Felicity quickly grabbed her cup and downed the last of her coffee before she resumed her search. Yes, Oliver had requested the intel but truthfully Felicity hoped that if she could provide sufficient data on an ongoing basis then it would pull him (and Sara) out into the field each night. At least then she would only have to listen to him instead of see him. She was eternally grateful that he and Sara were not touchy feely people so there wasn't a lot of PDA to witness, well, actually no PDA but Felicity wasn't going to complain.

Felicity really was happy that Oliver and Sara were together and helping each other to heal (that's what she kept telling herself and even Diggle on occasion when he noted that it didn't look like they were together). She wanted Oliver healthy and happy…Felicity tried to ignore the little voice that said she just wanted to be the one he was happy and healthy with. She could still hear Oliver assuring her that she would always have him. Those words were once so sweet but now they were more of a cruel taunt.

She had poured her heart out to a still sleeping Barry even as she felt cowardly for running away. It did help her process and she needed that as mint chocolate chip ice cream was now ruined forever for her. After rambling to Barry for hours, Felicity did reach several conclusions. She knew logically that Oliver cared for her even if it wasn't in the way she wanted. She knew he would always be there for her, though again not in the way she wanted. She knew he had never promised her anything more than she already had. Her brain was fully aware of the Team set-up and goals and the important role she played in that. She was aware of and grateful for the friendships she had on the Team. However, none of those things kept her heart from breaking every time she remembered seeing Oliver and Sara putting their clothes back on that night.

The sound of the lair door closing brought Felicity out of her mental anguish and she said a quick prayer that it would be Diggle, Roy … even Helena might be a welcome sight but Karma just wasn't on her side and it was Oliver standing at the base of the stairs looking at her. For a moment both just stared, seemingly unable to move, seemingly afraid to speak. Felicity felt her heart clench painfully even as gasped as she let herself see him for the first time in days. Oliver looked tired, weary, and even wary as he stood; his entire body was tensed as if expecting a blow. Neither spoke, nor moved but neither looked away either … the door closing again broke the spell and snapped Felicity back to attention. Finally remembering to breathe, Felicity turned away and tried to ignore her now pounding heart as she pulled in some much needed oxygen.

Felicity escaped the lair shortly after Diggle had arrived and made her way to QC. She needed to get several things done there too before Oliver arrived. One meeting had been rescheduled and Felicity needed to fill his lunch hour but first she needed to check his computer and pull some files. She also hoped to sneak away to the executive lounge a floor below for a quick nap. Sleep still eluded her most days but as it usually included nightmares Felicity sought it with caution and only after she was exhausted. She wasn't sure which nightmares were worse, the ones with Oliver hurt and bleeding, or the ones with him kissing Sara.

Felicity stumbled into her apartment late that night, but she considered the day a success as she had been able to maintain that dangerous tightrope act which allowed her to do both of her jobs and yet spend little or no time with Oliver. Now if she could only convince herself that this new system was working … or if her brain could convince her heart to forgive Oliver for so they could go back to being friends. She missed her friend and that more than anything was the reason she cried herself to sleep each night.

A knock at her door surprised Felicity and she fumbled to drop her bags and check who was there. Oliver was the last person she expected and she again froze at the sight of him. It was clear he knew she was there, right there at the door as he whispered her name. Felicity closed her eyes and barely held in a soft sob as his soft words reached her through the door.

"Felicity, I just need to know if you are ever going to talk to me again, look at me again. Me! Not the CEO, not the Arrow. Are you ever going to let me back in?"

There was a slight pause and Felicity opened her eyes to find him through the peephole. He had both hands braced on the door and his head was bowed. Felicity was surprised when his head raised and it seemed like he was able to see her, see through her as he spoke again.

"I miss my friend, my partner."

Felicity watched as he waited several more long moments before his shoulders slumped and he walked away without saying good-bye.

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><p><strong>AN4<strong> – I've marked this as "in-progress" now as I desperately want to find that happy ending before the show returns and messes with my head again! :)


	4. Chapter 4 - Of Friends and Dreams

**AN** – For those of you who just reviewed Ch 3…how's this for a quick update?! :) I actually wrote this about the same time as the last chapter which is why I'm posting both at the same time. This continues the angst which will please some of you but not all and I'm sorry for that! I do desperately want the happy ending and I am trying to work toward that. However, as I have no real plan to get there I can't actually guarantee anything more than more angst! **Read at your own risk!**

**AN2** – Always a shout-out to my beta who reviewed both new chapters today! Thanks Mic!

**DISCLAIMER** – If they were mine then we wouldn't be in this mess!

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><p><em><strong>Felicity's POV<strong>_

"I just need my friend tonight … please, Felicity."

Felicity was surprised enough to see Oliver standing just inside her window that she actually looked into his eyes as he spoke. Part of her new system of dealing with Oliver required there be little eye contact. If Moira Queen could see Felicity's feelings when she looked at Oliver then just what could Oliver see in her eyes?! Felicity couldn't risk that intimacy anymore.

Felicity bit her lip and found the strength to look away as her heart fought her mind. Her heart simply missed and wanted him as it always had. Her mind though was the deciding factor as it provided the justification her heart needed. _Friends help friends, right?_ Felicity couldn't bring herself to look into his eyes again but she did nod.

After she grabbed her tablet Felicity went back to her place on the sofa. She pulled a throw over her legs and turned the TV volume up a little louder. The local news was on and she always tried to watch all the stations as they were another source of information for them. She still hadn't looked at Oliver but she felt and heard him take a seat on the sofa with her.

Neither spoke for several minutes but Felicity didn't feel any anxiety or tension at the silence … or at least not any additional tension or anxiety as both feelings now marked her daily existence. The news ended and a talk show started so Felicity turned her attention to her tablet. She still needed to review her searches and input the new data as she knew the Team wanted to move on this quickly. Felicity became so lost in her task and wasn't even aware that Oliver was there until she felt him jerk suddenly.

She turned to him in surprise and saw he was locked in a nightmare. Immediately sympathetic to the sight of Oliver in obvious pain, Felicity put her tablet down and leaned close to brush a hand along his face as she gently squeezed his shoulder with the other.

"Shhhh, it's okay Oliver. You're okay." Felicity spoke softly as she continued to caress him and felt the tension ease from his body and his breathing even out again. Without conscious thought, her hand dropped from his face to rest over his heart. She closed her eyes and dropped her forehead to rest at his shoulder along with her other hand. She stayed there simply breathing him in. Felicity knew she had stayed there longer than she should so she forced her head up. She paused for just a moment before she brushed a kiss on his cheek and whispered quietly.

"I miss my friend too Oliver but I don't know how to fix me, how to fix us." Felicity drew back suddenly and choked back a sob. She jumped up from the sofa and ran back to her bedroom where she collapsed on the bed and tried to stifle her tears. It was several long minutes before she fell into a restless sleep.

Felicity had never suffered from nightmares until she joined Team Arrow. Until Oliver she'd had little exposure to blood, violence, or the scars they left behind. Now that she had a few scars of her own Felicity found she had also picked up a few nightmares to go with them.

Tonight her worst nightmares combined to form a gruesome montage of Oliver with various injuries, bleeding and calling for help but the name he was calling was Sara. Felicity approached to help him but he kept pushing her away and calling for Sara. Felicity was forced to stand by, unable to help, and watch him suffer. As his eyes closed for the final time Felicity screamed out his name and rushed over to him. With her head resting on his chest, Felicity cried, devastated at the loss of Oliver. Felicity suddenly felt Oliver's heartbeat again, she heard him stay her name and felt his arms close around her. Felicity pulled back from his arms to see his face and confirm he was okay before she dropped back to rest against his chest. For the first time in weeks, Felicity was able to rest easily with Oliver beside her in the dream.

_**Oliver's POV**_

"I just need my friend tonight … please, Felicity."

Oliver knew he was pushing his luck by returning tonight especially as he skipped the door and entered through the window but he was desperate. He was willing to make whatever deal, pay whatever price, say whatever she needed to hear to have this woman at least look at him again. He knew she would never again consider him a hero but he needed her to at least look him in the eye and see him.

She had met his eyes briefly now but as she again looked away Oliver fought the urge to grab her shoulders and shake her. He was angry but that was now a constant state since 'that night' and he would never act on that or hurt Felicity as his anger was all self-directed. He waited tensely until he saw her nod and he was able to breathe again. As he watched her walk away, Oliver again wondered if Sara was right and she would soon tell him good-bye. Not knowing how much time he had with her tonight or ever Oliver followed quickly and sat as close to her as he dared.

The news program blurred before his eyes so he closed his eyes and simply let himself breathe in Felicity's presence. He wanted to turn to look at her as well but knew that wouldn't be welcome so he contented himself with listening to her breathe and occasionally tap a note into the tablet. The sounds soothed him and without meaning to he slid into sleep as the tension eased from his body.

Oliver's nights were always plagued with nightmares from the Island and then the fearful scenes of death and torture expanded to include his family, Diggle, and, of course, Felicity. Now he could add a new nightmare to the list and that was the one where he couldn't find Felicity – he was always searching in the dark, always calling her name and yet never able to get to her. That was the nightmare that often forced him to wake in a cold sweat with his heart pounding barely suppressing a scream. Tonight the nightmare changed, tonight Felicity did come to him when he called and suddenly the darkness was gone. He could feel hear her voice, he could feel her touch, and he even felt her kiss. For the first time in weeks, Oliver was able to rest easily with Felicity beside him in the dream.

He was awakened from his peaceful slumber by a scream and within moments he was in Felicity's bedroom. She was sitting up in the bed staring into the distance as she cried out his name. He approached cautiously and sat beside her on the bed. He gently brushed a stray hair from her cheek and spoke her name. As Felicity moved suddenly and launched herself at him, Oliver caught her and took them both back to lay together on the bed. Felicity was still sobbing in her sleep but as Oliver continued to stroke and soothe her she did start to relax. She tensed suddenly once and Oliver was afraid she had awakened but she then rested against him and seemed to fall back into a restful slumber.

As he held her, Oliver blamed himself for selfishly keeping her in his life - especially in light of the overwhelming evidence of all the pain and sadness he brought her. However, he also knew he would continue to hold her tightly for as long as she let him. He knew Felicity didn't understand the full extent of his promise but she would always have him and that was a claim no one else could make. He still wasn't sure how to fix this but he was now determined to fight to get Felicity back.

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><p><strong>AN3<strong> – Just have to say again that despite all evidence I really do want the happy ending to be more than just a dream! :) Thanks for sticking with me and encouraging me in this insanity!


	5. Chapter 5 - Diggle

**Chapter 5 - Diggle**

**AN – **First, I do need to add the additional warning (which I've been very remiss in sharing) that Olicity is the happy ending for me so if that isn't your thing then stop now as I'm trying desperately to work through the angst and find the fun! Still advising you read with caution for that happy ending although this is Diggle's POV and who doesn't love a little Diggle wisdom and insight?! And a special thanks to my beta (Mic Riddy) who I pestered endlessly about this and upcoming chapters! :)

**AN2 – **Also, just want to say that the episode itself and the potential aftermath clearly evoke a lot of strong emotions from us as fans (which is really a good thing even if we don't agree). Pls remember this is just my take on it, my personal therapy, and my attempt at resolution!

**DISCLAIMER** – Nope, I refuse to claim this mess…current angst is all on CW as they own Arrow!

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><p>Diggle was surprised to find peace and quiet in the lair this morning. With Felicity unusually quiet on the rare times she was actually here, Oliver tense and on edge, and both Roy and Sara testing the boundaries to exert their own authority and find their place, the lair wasn't the home it once was. Diggle didn't oppose changes to the Team and knew it was inevitable but this was more of a chaotic eruption than a planned development. Additionally, the Team's foundation was shaky as Felicity avoided Oliver and he was, well, Oliver so he was dark and brooding. Previously the tension between the pair was more amusing than anything but now it was reaching unbearable heights and rippling out to the others. Roy and Sara may not have a firm grasp of the previous Team environment but even they felt the tension and their own short tempers exploded more frequently as well. No one had been killed yet and on Team Arrow that was always a good day - but Diggle wasn't sure how much longer they could continue on the current course.<p>

The door signaled Oliver's arrival but Diggle just continued his workout until the other man was within hearing distance. "You're late."

Diggle neither expected nor received a response but he still stop to look at Oliver when he joined him on the mats. He was surprised to see an improvement in his condition considering his consistent decline over the past week or so. Since Moira's betrayal came to light and Felicity left for several days, Oliver's mood had gotten progressively worse and now he resembled more of a zombie – ploughing forward doggedly with little hope and no rest. This morning though it actually looked like Oliver had slept and was actually rested. Diggle noted his eyes were clearer, the dark circles less evident and there was also just a little less tension in his shoulders. Diggle felt a spark of hope himself that maybe they could all move forward now. He hoped the stalemate with Felicity was over but needed to reserve judgment though until he had spoken to Felicity.

Speaking to Felicity was easier said than done as she continued her ghost routine and wasn't in the lair. He had cornered her briefly at QC but she remained uncharacteristically closed mouth about everything. She hadn't even filled him in on the Sara development but it hadn't been difficult to put those pieces together. Oliver hadn't denied his conclusions about 'that night' but he wouldn't clarify anything either. Diggle hadn't asked outright what was going on either, but he continued to check-in with both whenever possible and gave them every opportunity to talk if they wanted to do so. Neither had accepted that offer which remained more unusual for Felicity than Oliver.

Diggle had started watching her more closely and it was easy to see she was struggling with her feelings about Oliver. Her nearly completely silent withdrawal from Oliver spoke volumes about Felicity's turmoil. Felicity's lack of a brain to mouth filter wasn't the only example of her unreserved nature – Felicity's thoughts and feeling were evident in her unguarded actions as well. She had always touched easily in affection and always given frequent hugs which both he and Oliver had learned to accept early on (Diggle also knew Oliver had come to depend upon those touches even if he wouldn't admit to it). Felicity simply lacked that tough outer shell that he and Oliver and even Roy and Sara had. That was just one of the reasons he and Oliver agreed early on to protect her and keep her safe – not just physically but emotionally as well. It was rough to watch her develop that protective shell now even if Diggle knew she needed it to continue their work and Felicity seemed determined to continue.

Oliver, on the other hand, had a rock solid protective shell firmly in place, so much so that Diggle and Felicity had previously worried that he would become just that shell of a person. Both of them had always pushed him to be more but it was Felicity who pulled the emotions from him. She made him smile, laugh, and even yell in anger sometimes. Without her, Oliver had withdrawn as well and not even arguing with Sara and Roy brought forth the same depth of emotions. Diggle wasn't sure how to reach Oliver right now but he also didn't think it was time to step in just yet either (as Moira had learned, it simply wasn't smart to try and get between Oliver and Felicity).

Remembering a past conversation with Oliver, Diggle thought Felicity was or would be the right fit for Oliver when he was ready. It was easy to see Oliver wasn't ready right now but Diggle wasn't sure if anyone (including Oliver) realized just how far he had come and just how badly he wanted to be ready. Felicity wasn't the only one saddened by the current state of relations on the Team and the Oliver of a year ago would have been untouched by it all instead of hurting as well. Diggle knew Felicity and Oliver saw a future together or at least couldn't imagine a future without the other. Actually all three of them were in this together for the long haul – Diggle saw Oliver as a brother and Felicity as a sister. They were family as, even if Oliver's and Felicity's feelings weren't as innocently familial, they were committed to one another.

Roy's arrival had already upset the balance of the Team but Sara and Moira together toppled it completely. It seemed neither Oliver nor Felicity could find their footing alone and yet they also couldn't work together right now. They were both just existing, surviving and it had been increasingly difficult to stand by and watch their struggles even if Diggle knew this was their path alone. Outside factors may have unsettled them and brought up underlying issues but their relationship was their own and they had to be the ones to fix it.

At that moment, Felicity entered the lair and Diggle knew he wasn't the only one surprised by the sight as Oliver actually stood up to stare at her. For the first time since 'that night' Diggle saw Felicity meet Oliver's eyes. There was a moment of silence as the pair simply stared at one another before Felicity gave a single affirmative nod. Felicity hadn't smiled but Oliver seemed pleased by her action and did actually smile. Diggle continued to watch as Felicity took her rightful place at her computer and Oliver moved to his customary location behind her as she worked.

Diggle took a deep breath and released it as a soft sigh. While it appeared the Team's foundation had been shaken it no longer seemed to be cracked beyond repair. It seemed they would all have a few more scars but it was possible for them to move forward together anyway.

"How about take-out from Big Belly Burger? It's on me." Diggle announced with a smile of his own.

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><p><strong>AN3<strong> – Yes, this is the morning after Of Friends and Dreams but don't worry I plan to go back and get Felicity's and Oliver's POVs and I plan to explain what is behind Felicity's nod. Pls just stick with me a little longer!


	6. Chapter 6 - Unanswered Questions

**Chapter 6 – Unanswered Questions**

**AN** – So this chapter happens before the last one (Ch 5 - Diggle) and as with Chapter 4, both Felicity's and Oliver's POVs are included as this is the important "morning after" scene! Still cautiously hopeful for the happy ending…in some form…

**AN2** – Still a lot of love for everyone reading, reviewing, and following! Thank you so much - you are just amazing! And a lot of love for my beta, Mic Riddy, who continues to put up with me! ;)

**DISCLAIMER** – Nope, not mine but I'm still trying to fix their mess!

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><p><strong>Felicity's POV<strong>

Felicity opened her eyes and immediately realized the room was lighter than it should have been even it was still very early in the morning. She reached quickly for her glasses and phone and checked the time and saw her alarm was turned off. _But how_…Felicity didn't even complete the thought as she turned and saw Oliver standing at her bedroom window with his back to her. Suddenly memories flooded her and Felicity closed her eyes – Oliver coming back through the window after she hadn't let him in the door, her agreement to let him stay as a friend, their silence during the night, soothing him when he was locked in a nightmare.

_Oh God!_ Felicity then remembered her own nightmare and how it had changed into a peaceful dream that allowed her to sleep better last night than she had in days. It didn't take a genius to figure out Oliver had probably soothed her as well but Felicity was determined to channel him and Diggle and simply not acknowledge that. She had worked so hard to keep everything inside, she hadn't talked to Oliver or even Diggle, and yet, Oliver still saw her and found his way in.

Felicity opened her eyes to find Oliver staring at her and she quickly looked away so as not to give away anything further. Without saying a word, Felicity gathered her clothes and headed toward the shower. She wanted to scream and cry in frustration but she knew Oliver would hear. She settled for a quick internal rant that just barely lessened her anxiety enough to allow clear thinking and she needed to think clearly so she would know how to handle this particular Oliver.

Oliver didn't usually push for conversation and was perfectly happy ignoring all manner of things but he could also be stubborn beyond belief. As it didn't look like he was going to continue to ignore the changes in the lair Felicity knew she had to prepare accordingly. If she had learned anything from Team Arrow it was that weaknesses could be exploited by others - you need to protect yourself and sometimes that meant wearing a mask. She had never made any effort to protect herself from Oliver previously but she was determined to do that now.

Felicity had only just acknowledged to herself she had missed her friend and she wasn't ready to admit that to him yet. She still needed to process everything and figure some things out. Felicity dressed in bright colors as if she was donning armor to protect herself. She just wasn't sure if she was trying to protect herself from her own depression or from Oliver's new strategy. She took a deep breath and flung the door open only to realize Oliver wasn't in the bedroom anymore.

Wary now, Felicity walked toward the living room and kitchen and saw him again looking out the window. She stopped just barely inside the room and waited but he didn't turn even though he did speak.

"You didn't answer my questions."

Felicity was momentarily thrown by the deep gravelly Arrow voice but quickly moved on to interpret his meaning. She then remembered his words when he had stood on the other side of her closed door, _'Felicity, I just need to know if you are ever going to talk to me again, look at me again. Me! Not the CEO, not the Arrow. Are you ever going to let me back in?'_

As he slowly turned to face her Felicity realized she had no words to give him nor could she meet his eyes. Her emotions were raging just below the surface and Felicity was afraid any attempt to voice her feelings would end in her bawling her eyes out while lying in a fetal position on the floor. That mental image snapped her spine straight and brought her eyes up to his but still she didn't speak. She did watch as Oliver crossed to stand just a foot away from her.

"You came half away across the world to drag me back Felicity – I'll do whatever it takes to drag you back now. I just have one more question to ask though and I need an answer. Are you going to leave the Team…are you going to leave me?"

Felicity paused before answering as she knew that both of them would hold her to her answer. "No, I'm not leaving…" As her voice trembled by the end Felicity knew Oliver could hear the 'yet' that whilst unspoken still hung in the air.

"I'm not willing to give you up so I'll keep asking the questions until you answer. I won't give up until you tell me goodbye Felicity."

Oliver paused to stare at her then he gave her a single brief nod before he turned and escaped through the window. Felicity stared for several minutes after he had left unsure if he meant his words about fighting for her, for them, but clearly the battle rules had just changed and she doubted she was going to come through this unscathed. She just had to figure out if she was fighting him or fighting _for_ him.

**Oliver's POV**

Oliver woke up at Felicity's alarm and quickly turned it off. He froze with Felicity still in his arms and waited to see if she would awaken but she barely stirred. Breathing a sigh of relief, Oliver then took a moment to relish feelings that were clearly beyond friendship as he enjoyed the feel of Felicity in his arms. He hadn't meant to stay, had only meant to comfort her and then return to the couch, but he had ended up spending the night with her and he had rested better than he had since even before 'that night'.

He knew allowing her to wake up in his arms would cross the lines that were already blurred between them and it could also possibly push her to run again. It was that last possibility that forced Oliver to leave the warm, comfortable bed he had shared with her and move to stand guard at the window. He tried to keep his gaze locked on the horizon but found it kept drifting to Felicity.

Oliver was glad to see her resting and wasn't concerned about her sleeping through her alarm. She might have studiously avoided his eyes recently but that didn't stop him from seeking her out whenever she was close. He had seen her struggles clearly as she had withdrawn from him and the Team, seen evidence of her lack of sleep, and watched in dismay as she worked to conceal all of these signs from him. Felicity had gone silent and the quiet tormented him.

As he watched, Felicity started moving on the bed and as she stretched luxuriously he jerked his attention back to the window. When he heard her glasses and phone scrape against the bedside table he knew she was fully awake but still he waited just a few more moments before he turned to look at her. She briefly met his eyes and then without a word scrambled from the head and quickly escaped to the bathroom.

Oliver stood immobile for several minutes before he quickly escaped the intimacy of waiting in her bedroom while she showered. Standing in the living room Oliver again positioned himself by the window as he was determined not to miss another opportunity to speak to Felicity. He worked hard to suppress any inappropriate mental images and instead focused on his strategy for bringing Felicity back. As soon as he heard her and felt her presence behind him he spoke without turning around.

"You didn't answer my questions."

He turned slowly toward her and clenched his jaw as she quickly looked away. He waited but Felicity still refused to answer his earlier questions. He considered repeating them but knew that was unlikely to gain an answer either. He might not be able to force her to speak now but he needed her to understand that he wasn't giving up and she would have to speak eventually. He couldn't resist closing the distance between them physically even as he tried to bridge the emotional gap.

"You came half-way across the world to drag me back Felicity – I'll do whatever it takes to drag you back now. I just have one more question to ask though and I need an answer. Are you going to leave the Team…are you going to leave me?"

There was another pause before Felicity spoke in a trembling voice, "No, I'm not leaving…"

Oliver had hoped for more but would take that despite the fact that while 'yet' remained unspoken it did still hang in the air.

"I'm not willing to give you up so I'll keep asking the questions until you answer. I won't give up until you tell me goodbye Felicity."

Oliver again gave her a moment to speak before realizing yet again she was maintaining her silence. While he was frustrated with Felicity's continued silence he didn't miss the irony of the role reversal. And if they had truly reversed roles then he should be able to reach Felicity eventually as she had certainly carved out a permanent place in his life and heart.

Knowing Felicity wasn't watching, Oliver allowed himself a small smile as he now had hope for reconciliation and a future with Felicity.

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><p><strong>AN3<strong> – The next two chapters should be first Felicity's POV and then Oliver's POV and will hopefully completely push us through the angst (finally) and into a happier place even if it's only in platonic terms! Although, let's be real even their "platonic" is fun…I've been watching YouTube videos recommended by reviewers (aka new friends) about our favorite pair and I'm definitely feeling the Olicity love and wishing I had platonic friends like that! ;)


	7. Chapter 7 - Felicity Part 2

**Chapter 7 – Felicity Part 2**

**AN** – I warn you guys now not everyone will appreciate my take on Felicity's feelings so you are still reading at your own risk! Pls know that my thought process is not to portray her as a 'victim' with all responsibility and choices being Oliver's. I wanted to empower her but I still struggled w/ her voice so pls be kind if you review. Oh and this will bring us to Diggle's Chapter - I just wanted to note that as I know the time sequence is a little confusing!

_Mic, this will look different from what you read to beta for me but hopefully you'll enjoy it anyway! :)_

**DISCLAIMER** – Still working through the mess from the show so all credit/ blame goes to CW as the owners of Arrow.

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><p>Felicity left the apartment shortly after Oliver did but realizing he was probably headed to the lair Felicity chose to go to QC to work instead. There was plenty she could do from there for both of her jobs. It also gave her more time to think but truly she was tired of thinking, tired of worrying about her relationship with Oliver, about the Team, everything, but especially Oliver. It seemed they had been doing this dance forever – one step forward, two steps back. <em>Never <em>_**more**__ than friends but always more than __**friends**__._ Felicity nearly screamed in frustration as she forced her focus back on her work once again.

By mid-morning, Felicity had a bit of an epiphany – _Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream_! Right now she was avoiding it like the plague and hated it…well, not hate but she was still pretty angry with it. She really wanted to just get a pint of Phish Food or Chunky Monkey and just _**process**_ with one of them instead…but then she would think about Mint Chocolate Chip and remember it was still her favorite.

As Isabel Rochev walked by Felicity grimaced, amended her last thought, and grumbled snidely out loud, "Clearly Mint Chocolate Chip is everyone's favorite." Felicity aimed a glare at Isabel's back for that reminder but continued her analysis with a sigh.

_Ok, I can't really blame everyone else for wanting Mint Chocolate Chip but I can blame Mint Chocolate Chip for being available to **everyone else**. So perhaps I do find another flavor – one that is interested in me but doesn't end up in the hospital… If I've moved on to Phish Food and someone else is spooning Mint Chocolate Chip…bad, bad analogy…3, 2, 1…_

Felicity shook off those disturbing mental images and decided to channel Team Arrow again – logic and strategy over mushy emotion.

Felicity realized she needed to accept that Oliver wanted someone else. She had thought they were on the same page and working toward a future where she could be the someone he cared about AND be with but any Magic 8 ball would say 'all signs point to no' for that one. To accept his choice she needed to decide to bury her not so platonic feelings and just focus on the Team. Surely as a founding member of Team Arrow she had picked up a few tricks from the boys such as stoic indifference, right?

Oliver isn't actually totally indifferent and Felicity would swear he cares about her but she couldn't help but wonder if that was enough for her. They had never verbalized any promises but there was definitely a bond that grew stronger each day. Would there be a time when his 'caring' wasn't enough and would it hurt more to leave then? Could she protect herself from that pain?

Despite carrying a full workload for QC and the Arrow, Felicity continued to ponder all of these questions throughout the day but she wasn't able to find any answers within herself except more anger, hurt, fear, and frustration. As she snapped at an unsuspecting IT intern Felicity realized her feelings were still out of control. Perhaps that control thingy the boys did was more difficult than she had thought Felicity realized with a grimace.

She looked up then and saw Oliver across the room and remembered how he had been when he first returned. He had come back from the Island full of righteous anger as the Vigilante but he had found a way to become better, to become the Arrow. Felicity knew Oliver's burden was much worse and made her current struggles pale in comparison but it still shed light on her current pain and actually made her more sympathetic to his journey.

It also forced her to acknowledge just how far he had come since his return (even since the second one). Even though she saw him as a hero she thought there was still more to his journey but shouldn't you accept the person you love as they are? Felicity realized she couldn't accept him as he was (not with that whole Fantasy Island complex of his) and he clearly didn't want to change so where did that leave them?

_Friends! Partners!_

As Felicity let that idea settle into her head and heart she felt the anger explode again. They were a Team or they were supposed to be but Oliver had been acting completely on his own. His relationship with Sara was his personal business (again, the lair was still wrong) but bringing her onto the Team without discussing it was Team business. She and Diggle had rights here too! Plus he pulled that stunt _after_ they'd had a similar discussion when he brought Roy in without telling them.

While Felicity had just decided to bury some of her feelings and protect herself she also now felt the need to share some of her feelings and protect the Team. Of course, that meant she would need to talk to Oliver and Diggle – they were a family and she would fight for that, fight for their friendship, but only as an equal. She didn't know if Oliver would accept these new rules but that choice would be his just as it was her choice to demand them.

Felicity saw Oliver only briefly at QC during the day but she could read the questions that lingered in his eyes. She expected that and was surprisingly unmoved but she could also see the hope he was placing in her answers as well and that shook her new-found determination.

The hope he placed in her truly scared her as she knew she was the light to Oliver's dark but she had just realized she too had some darkness in herself … she had been hurt, she now bore new scars and carried new nightmares that replaced some of her own light. She also needed to change more, needed to be more like him actually and that new person might not be who Oliver wanted or needed in his life either now or in the future.

Felicity had to wonder if she was strong enough to be with Oliver as a friend and partner. She needed to be able to share his burdens and understand him. Just as their current struggle wasn't really about Sara, Felicity finally also realized it wasn't entirely about Oliver. He viewed himself as broken and unworthy and in her worst moments lately Felicity had viewed him that way too but that was unfair. It was also unfair to expect him to be the only one to change. Felicity wasn't perfect either as the last days had confirmed – she had withdrawn from her friends, spoken in anger, and blamed both Oliver and Sara for her plight. She was no longer sure she could be light enough for them both.

Felicity buried her head in her hands and barely bit back a sob. The beeping of her phone startled her and Felicity was even more surprised to Oliver's face on her screen. His message was short but effective – _Off to train. Hope to see you at the lair._

Felicity then remembered his words from this morning – he wasn't giving up and was willing to do whatever it took. Felicity finally allowed herself to hear and accept those words and she couldn't stop a smile. Even if she was supposed to be the light in their relationship that didn't mean the burden was always on her. She needed Oliver to find the light in himself and maybe he was doing just that. Perhaps they could make each other better going forward?

Clearly they both needed more time before they were ready for "more" but that didn't mean they couldn't continue the journey as friends until then. Felicity took a moment to fully consider that path and realized the choice was hers. Very quickly though she realized there really was no choice as she wanted to remain with Oliver and the Team.

Her decision made, Felicity headed over to the lair to give Oliver his answers. She paused at the bottom of the stairs and locked eyes with Oliver as she remembered his questions. _'Felicity, I just need to know if you are ever going to talk to me again, look at me again. Me! Not the CEO, not the Arrow. Are you ever going to let me back in?'_

Felicity continued to hold his gaze for several more moments before she gave a single affirmative nod agreeing to let him back in.

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><p><strong>AN2<strong> – Felicity really was difficult for me to write as I think she would go back and forth a bit in what she wants, what she hopes, and the emotions which may be dominant at any given time but hopefully I've at least represented that struggle! Oliver's POV is next and will take us a little further forward!


	8. Chapter 8 - Oliver Part 2

**Ch 8 – Oliver Part 2**

**AN** – The story has taken another turn and this has more Team Arrow than the previous chapters (by Team Arrow I refer only to Oliver, Felicity and Diggle). Also, as I tried to work within the current season this Oliver isn't as developed as I would want him to be … if you still want more from him, check out the final Chapter of Primal. You can ignore the rest but writing that final Chapter helped me deal with Oliver as I want him to be (total fantasy I know but it made me happy)! :)

**DISCLAIMER** – Even though I'm happier now I still blame the show and that means the owners/ creators as I own nothing!

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><p>At Felicity's single nod, Oliver smiled and took a deep breath. He watched as she took a seat at her computers and he couldn't resist standing behind her for a moment as they had so many times before. At Diggle's words about take-out he looked up and smiled again. It had been a long time since the three of them had enjoyed a meal together and he was grateful for that offer.<p>

Oliver moved away and tried to work out while waiting for Diggle's return. All was silent except for Felicity's tapping on the keyboard but he still found it soothing. The lair no longer felt like the home it once was and even though he knows they can't go back Oliver can't help but hope they can move forward together. Oliver suddenly realized that despite wanting and trying to talk to Felicity he had never apologized to her. He had to snort contemptuously at himself though as he also realized he didn't really want to try and explain again how him sleeping with someone else meant nothing.

He paused at the term "someone else" and realized he saw it as a betrayal just as Felicity undoubtedly did. After Russia, he had told Felicity he couldn't be with someone he cared about and that was still true. He always has and always will care about Sara but that's not why they had sex. That night had been just two people using each other to feel _something_ other than pain. He wouldn't repeat that mistake any more than he would have slept with Isabel Rochev again.

Oliver grunted in frustration as he continued his workout. None of this was going to convince Felicity of the sincerity and depth of his feelings for her though and relieving his own guilt at her expense was unacceptable. Maybe he should just apologize for not putting her first and for failing her again by not being the person she thought he was. He knew she had high expectations for him and saw him as a hero. He wanted to be better for her and he had become a better person for her. He also wanted to be better for himself – if recent days had taught him anything it was that he couldn't force Felicity to always be the better part of himself, he had to find that within himself. He wasn't the man either of them wanted him to be yet but he hoped Felicity would give him another chance to try and be that man.

As Diggle re-entered the lair Oliver realized he also owed him an apology. He had been acting on his own since 'that night' with no regard for their Team. It was obvious he had hurt Felicity but Oliver could no longer overlook the fact that he had, at the least, insulted and disrespected Diggle as well. Oliver gritted his teeth as he acknowledged the depth of his errors. He couldn't break the habit of a lifetime as it seemed he just kept hurting those closest to him.

As Diggle and Felicity set out the food Oliver put aside the dark thoughts and fears as he wanted to enjoy this quiet moment with these two people who meant the most to him. The past days had been rough and Oliver thought they would all agree that they needed and deserved a break. However, as the meal progressed Oliver also realized that Sara and Roy would be returning soon and he needed to at least attempt to clear the air. Swallowing with difficulty Oliver squared his shoulders and looked at both of his friends.

"I think we need to talk about Sara..." He paused when he saw Felicity tense but then he quickly continued. "Sara and Roy joining the Team. I know I made both of those calls without you guys and I owe you both an apology for that. I am sorry for acting on emotions without thinking through the repercussions. I wasn't kidding when I told Roy the two of you are the only ones that matter. I need to know that you can support my decisions."

Oliver couldn't pose it as a question as he didn't want to consider what he would do if they withdrew their support. He knew it was unfair though and he was willing to make whatever future promises either required if it meant they would stay now.

As the silence lengthened Oliver sought Diggle's eyes first and saw his attention was on Felicity. Oliver realized then that Felicity was the deciding vote as far as Diggle was concerned. He wouldn't offer his support or acceptance until Felicity had agreed as well. Oliver gritted his teeth and turned his attention to Felicity only to find her eyes on him.

"What you did was wrong … you violated the trust of the Team." As she paused, Oliver wondered just what she meant but she continued soon enough and appeared to gather some momentum as well. "Whether or not you appreciate the name 'Team Arrow' or not this is a Team as least we are supposed to be one. You can't proclaim yourself absolute ruler and ignore us. I know we joke about voting but if we really are your friends and partners in this then you can't just do what you want and leave us to pick up the pieces and live with the repercussions. It's not fair or right!"

That was the most Felicity had said since 'that night' but despite being happy she was speaking to him Oliver realized she hadn't actually agreed to support his decision.

"Felicity?" Oliver prompted her.

"I know – just wait, I'm not finished yet."

Oliver exchanged a look with Diggle and realized they were both holding their breath waiting on her verdict. Turning his attention back to Felicity he saw she had risen and started pacing. She remained silent but it was clear she was rambling to herself.

He found he truly missed Felicity's ramblings (and her touch if he was being completely honest). The rambling wasn't always a product of nerves as it had been in the beginning. Sometimes it was simply Felicity being Felicity, sharing of herself, and comfortable that he and Diggle accepted her without judgment. Felicity was open, honest, and giving and he and Diggle agreed early on not to take advantage of that. Oliver felt a moment of discomfort as he hadn't considered the full implications of bringing either Roy or Sara on-board. He hadn't considered that Felicity would have to find a way to deal with the two new members who had no reason to honor his and Diggle's agreement to always protect her.

Oliver realized it was just one more way he had failed Felicity as he had put himself first. Felicity was going to again pay the price for a choice he hadn't intended to make. As she continued to remain silent Oliver also realized she wasn't ready to let him back in; even if she did agree to stay she would be keeping her distance and hiding her thoughts and feelings from him. Before he could fully process that unnerving thought Felicity continued.

"I'll support your decision … this time, but no more chances. I have to draw the line somewhere and I'm drawing it here. Either you consult with us going forward or I will leave, I'll tell you goodbye."

Oliver realized the full import of her words: she was staying but this was his _last_ chance to be the person she needed. Breathing a sigh of relief he turned to Diggle.

"I'm in but I'm with Felicity." Diggle had stood now and moved to stand beside Felicity to make his position clear.

When Diggle didn't elaborate Oliver realized that this friend was now guarding his thoughts too. Anger briefly sparked to life but Oliver quickly banked it. He had pushed them away so often and had made enough bad decisions that both had reason to doubt him and to protect themselves and each other. Again though he couldn't help but wonder if this was a permanent alienation or if he could earn their trust and friendship back. Taking the plunge, Oliver voiced his concern.

"It's been very quiet in the lair lately. Do you think that will remain the case?"

Again both he and Diggle looked to Felicity and Oliver realized they continued to place her in the position to be the good one, to be the heart and light of their Team. Worried that the burden was too much for her, Oliver quickly spoke again.

"You are the two who brought me back from the Island literally and figuratively. I know I've disappointed you recently and honestly I'll probably do it again." Oliver gave them a small smile before he continued. "However, I need you both to know that I know I've failed you. I will try to be the hero on my own but I'm better with you two with me."

Oliver was pleasantly surprised when Diggle stepped forward to offer his hand and Oliver shook it gladly. The men exchanged a look and nodded in understanding. There were still issues but both were willing to work on it.

Felicity approached slowly and soon stood between them. "I'm going to try to be better too, Oliver."

Oliver was surprised by her words and a little confused but his focus changed as he realized it was the first time she had used his name, met his eyes, and smiled in days. He couldn't help but gather her in for a hug nor could he help that his heart sped up when she returned his embrace.

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><p><strong>AN2<strong> – I think this is just about as close I as I can get to a "happy ending" guys! I do have a final chapter from Sara's POV to bring us full circle and it should be up soon!


	9. Chapter 9 - Sara Part 2

**Saying Goodbye Chapter 9 – Sara 2**

**AN** – First I really liked Sara and thought she would be great on the Team…then that wretched episode and I hated her….now I'm trying to find acceptance as I think she's gonna be with us for a while even if I still don't like it! I will say I think she's a complicated character and is someone to compare Oliver to as her path is both similar and different! Anyway here she is again bringing this story full circle!

**AN2** – I've been remiss in thanking all who joined me for this therapeutic journey so pls let me assure you I really do appreciate everyone who read, reviewed, faved and/or followed! I do hope you got something for your trouble! And always, thanks to Mic Riddy who is my beta and the best beta ever!

**DISCLAIMER** – I can claim nothing!

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><p>Sara came back from patrol that night with Roy on edge. He didn't have a great deal of experience and she lacked the patience to want to teach him as Ollie apparently wanted her to do. By the time you were out on missions for the League you had already been trained and if you failed, you had only yourself to be blamed - assuming you were still alive to feel anything. The League wasn't a "team" and it was more difficult than Sara had anticipated to find her place here with Ollie.<p>

It was even more difficult to remember each of these untrained people had any say in the decisions. Sara focused her time and energy on Ollie as she considered him her only equal here even if he wasn't acting the part right now. She had been envious of Ollie's team previously but now she just saw them as burdens weakening him and requiring more from her. The Ollie she knew fought and killed easily but this one was softer, not physically but mentally. Sara just wasn't sure he still has what it takes to survive anymore.

Sara took a deep breath and tried to stem the rising flood of emotions. Since she had returned to such a disappointing homecoming, Sara found she lacked her customary control. She knew she shouldn't blame Laurel, Ollie, or the others; but she found she was increasing resentful of their expectations and anger. There were times she missed the freedom of not caring and as those times were becoming more frequent she had to fight the urge to escape the restrictions of her family and Ollie.

She considered talking to Ollie as he was the only one who would understand but he was wrapped up in his own difficulties. Apparently Felicity didn't have the heart of gold Sara first thought and the girl was making her resentment clear in her sullen disappearing acts. Sara didn't understand why Ollie didn't just cut her loose and move on as apparently neither of them was willing to actually fight for the other. It was increasingly obvious to Sara that love and even family in any form was a pipe dream. Sara was especially annoyed that "love" was affecting Ollie enough that the Team wasn't as strong as she would like. _How could these people even survive much less protect the City?_

Sara slammed her gear down and sent a glare over her shoulder to Roy who stood on the other side of the lair neatly replacing his supplies. Sara paused for a moment to think about the 'team's lair'. It was certainly better equipped than the Island cave but Sara couldn't see it as the home that Ollie spoke of previously. Of course, she didn't see his team as family or partners either. _Maybe this just isn't the place for me…_

Even as she had that thought Sara turned and noticed for the first time that Ollie was seated at the computer table with both Diggle and Felicity. She took another moment to notice that Felicity was seated between the men and all three appeared more relaxed than she had ever seen them. Glancing back at Roy Sara noticed he too was staring at the scene in amazement and no little concern.

Only then did Sara again see the Team she had been so jealous of previously. She also realized that something had changed and the three were clearly presenting a united front … a united front against her. She narrowed her eyes at the potential threat and felt her defenses rise even as anger heated her blood.

"What happened tonight?" It was Diggle who asked calmly that question.

"Nothing – ninja boy here scared them off before we could get in place." Sara didn't bother to conceal her annoyance and disgust with Roy's inexperience. "We need another plan Ollie as this isn't working. I think—"

"We do have a new plan actually. Roy, Sara, have a seat. We need to talk…" It was Ollie who interrupted her.

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><p>Following the "team" discussion, Sara tried to bury her resentment and abide by the new rules but she was still resentful and angry. Oliver had made it clear that he, Diggle, and Felicity made the decisions and regardless of how much she argued he wouldn't back down. Neither Diggle nor Felicity ever joined the fray as they both appeared content to let Oliver fight this battle for them too.<p>

She had returned from another useless patrol several hours ago and had worked out but still the energy bubbled just under the surface. Sara nearly growled in annoyance before she made her decision to return to the lair and pick-up more gear. Ollie may not want them to check out the newest Triad warehouse but she wanted to and she was going to do what she wanted to do this time.

The mission didn't take long and she did get some good intel. She was also able to work off some aggression by letting the guards see her. Unfortunately, the sharp claws of the guard had sliced through her clothes and flesh. She needed to return to the lair and see to the injury herself. Sara was still tense and angry so she drew up short at the unexpected sight of Felicity standing by med supplies at the table.

"I guess I should expect the rest of the 'team' shortly then? Am I being court marshalled for disobedience? Stripped of my rank? Kicked out of the clubhouse?" Sara growled disdainfully.

"Have a seat Sara – it's just you and me." Felicity's voice was calm and quiet which only served to put Sara further on edge.

"I don't need –" Sara found herself cut off as Felicity spoke in a louder voice.

"Yeah, you actually do need me Sara. You can't reach the wounds on your back and the Triad likes to add some new tricks to their toys so we need to test your blood too. Sit down."

Sara actually sat before she realized it but she didn't get back up. With jerky movements she stripped her jacket and shirt off and leaned over the table. Felicity worked gently enough to remind her of Nyssa but Sara quickly quashed those memories. Sara was grateful Felicity was also working quickly and quietly, even if she wouldn't tell her that.

"I assume you have intel from your trip which means you'll need to tell Oliver and Diggle."

Sara refused to acknowledge the girl's statement and simply gritted her teeth as she dressed again.

"Sara, whether you want it or not, you have a Team with us. I know you have a family and there are issues but we are a family here too. You can't go off on your own—"

Now it was Sara who interrupted. "I'm surprised you are encouraging me to be on the 'team' Felicity. It's clear you don't want me to come between you and Ollie—"

Felicity stepped back in, "You can't come between us Sara."

Sara was surprised by the statement and confidence behind it. She turned to stare at the girl and realized Felicity wasn't intimidated. Sara had to again re-evaluate her view of Felicity. Once upon a time, Sara had viewed her as an untarnished, gentle soul and was jealous of Oliver having her and the light she had in her. When Felicity reacted as she did to Sara joining the team Sara then dismissed the girl as weak and unworthy just as she dismissed the thought of love.

Felicity continued to hold her gaze without speaking and now Sara saw something else, something more. She again saw the light and goodness that still didn't judge, but it was different. The light was more focused now – more like a spotlight than a lantern which made it stronger but less inclusive. Felicity still didn't judge but she no longer appeared willing to just include everyone in her goodness either. Sara realized the girl may have been lost briefly in recent weeks but she had clearly found herself again and was stronger because of it.

Sara nodded as a sign her acceptance and respect before she turned away. Sara turned back as she heard Felicity leave and couldn't stop the feeling of again being jealous of the other woman.

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><p><strong>AN3<strong> – Okay, guys this is now as complete and "happy" as I can make it! Again, thanks for sticking with me and if you enjoyed it or got anything from this therapy I hope you'll review/PM and let me know!

**AN4** – Also, I think I'm ready to move back to a fluffier Olicity now and have a new chapter for Lessons Learned. I have given up the idea of sticking to the current S2 storyline though as it is clearly darker than I want. I may pull some good scenes from it but Lessons should probably be viewed as more AU now as I'll probably continue to ignore Sara!


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